I got stuck

This time I want to pour my soul out and write about something non-beauty related – I got stuck in my ˝passive life˝ routine. I don’t even know how to call this. I’m constantly craving for more and more material things, I’m never happy with what I already own. I always think like that: when I’ll buy this, I’ll be happy. But I’m not. Ok, maybe it works for day or two, but that’s it. Thankfully new things are not necessarily expensive (Ebay obsession), so I don’t spend that much.

My job is boring and has every week less meaning to me. I supposed to be happy that I even got a job, but I can’t console myself with that. I often feel like a third person on a date for two, totally unwanted. My work will play important part in my life, besides my boyfriend of course. I’m not planning to have a family, I would rather work more. I’m also not a career person. I just want a more demanding job with some responsibilities. I want to feel more important part of the company, just someone whose absence would be noticeable. I sent a few job applications and would be very happy to get some new opportunity and challenges, but my hopes are quite low.

I should invest in myself, to be more exact, in my knowledge, but what should I do? I was excited to do an exam for jobs in public service, but there are so little jobs available that I just gave up. I also think that working behind a counter would be even more boring from this what I do now. What else? I like writing in English, maybe I should improve my skills and upgrade my knowledge. But on the other hand I never saw that I work giver would demand this kind of certificate. This would be more for personal development and improvement of writing on my blog. Going to get a Master’s degree? Yes, if I will see in this an opportunity for promotion at work. So… not just yet.

Oh and I have another big problem – I’m still afraid of driving a car. I drive occasionally, but I’m always very nervous before I get in the car. I’m seriously thinking about going back to driving school for some hours, but I feel such a shame. People will make fun of me and then I’ll have even lees will and self esteem.

I’m not done yet. I admire people who live a healthy lifestyle and one day I would like to be one of them. I’m not talking about perfection or obsession with healthy food here. Everything needs to be in a balance. I believe that every person should occasionally eat something just for his soul even if it’s pure junk. I stress here occasionally. Do not overeat then for a week like sometimes I do. That is my worse bad habit and most of all very unhealthy one. And I rarely excersise. I’m just stupid. Exercising makes me feel so much better, but I’m too lazy to even start. My wish to lose that 2-3kg is on every possible wish list that I made in the past year. Maybe it’s just not strong enough. I was trying for three weeks; there were minimal results, so I gave up. I’m back on the start with my weight. This became something that hangs above my head and reminds me every day that I don’t try enough.

Let me mention something positive for the end. I spend two fun afternoons with my friend in past two weeks and that really made me feel better. She somehow managed to reset my thoughts, brought me back into some ˝better˝ times and made me laugh.

Ok, I wrote everything that’s bothering me, so I feel a little better now J I understand if this post won’t have any views, it’s more for me than for others anyway.

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